I keep having these dreams. Last night’s dream just made sense to me. I keep having dreams that I am attacked or surprised by something and I have to fight to get away. Last night there was a huge snake in the backyard of my house in Spanish Town. It was so huge and had the head of a crocodile. It was coming to eat me . I was rescued by my father who killed it with his machete. It came from nowhere but it was a really huge snake. Why am I always escaping?
I am worried..worried that my life is a daily plot to escape. Today i met with a friend in cafe blue. We talked about being here, being away, being an academic not wanting to leave Jamaica. Having to leave Jamaica, what we could do to stay. But somehow it all seems like plotting to escape. Just like in my dreams the things i am afraid of most always come to get me, but i escape. The giant snake, the lizard, the flying car….. Its not just thinking you should leave and not wanting to, it is not knowing what to do. Like how to kill the huge snake with the crocodile head in your backyard with a machete.
They say Legba stands at the cross road, the spiritual crossroads and sometimes we stand there with him wondering which way to go. Wanting to ask which way to go and what to do. Maybe in my dreams i am always at the crossroads asking how to escape, asking not to dream these dreams again.
They say Papa Legba is a trickster offering you something in exchange for your soul at the crossroads.
Whether this is a dream or reality i am not sure anymore. It is all very real. My father kills the snake with the crocodile head in my dream and later in the evening i reason with two girls at the ISL about taking education seriously. They tell me about their life and i feel like the ISL was meant to be there for them. The guy packing out the nails and plumbing supplies in the hardware store next door overhears a conversation i have with the girls about drama class and calls me over while i am locking up to ask me about drama because he loves drama and drama is what he really wants to do. not packing up nails. All of this i can see at the crossroads. I still wonder sometimes which direction to go. And there is more. more i can’t tell you. but you probably know. All the questions nobody thought to ask Marcus about Amy or Audre, or Rodney. When did they cry, when they were dreaming or just before they fell asleep?